i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
