I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Are my feet made of real feet?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
