My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
