he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
