he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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