last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
