I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
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I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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