Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There's always time for handjobs
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
