you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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