I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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