you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
