You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
