peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
