If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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