Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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