fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
