I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
