You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
