im about as happy as oj after his trial
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
