Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
