i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
