can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Randomize
