Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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