did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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