Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
