You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
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I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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