Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
