i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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