Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
