I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
