were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
