Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
