The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
