Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize