Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
