we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
