Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
