smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
