You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
