He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
