i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
