can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
