yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Randomize
