I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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