OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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