I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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