I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
