the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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