and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize