Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
