Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
