I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
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I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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