you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Say something about gay babies.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize