Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my being single is dangerous.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
