I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
