What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
