This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
