the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
