Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
