Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
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I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
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Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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