Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize