my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
