where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
