This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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