I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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