Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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