I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
