two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
