clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
